Monday, February 17, 2014

Senior Year Panic

Well Blogger, it has been a very long time since my last post and unfortunately this one will not have a cheerful mood.  I do not like to post about negative subjects I am being crushed by the gigantic boulder called graduation which has been sucking the life out of my soul and the thoughts out of my brain.  Not very many people view my blog, but for those who do I feel that it is important to express my true feelings during this time which every college student across the country and the world must go through. What makes it so challenging?  Why am I getting anxiety attacks and feeling clammy?
   Perhaps it is the oldest fear in the book; that of the unknown.  For four years I have adjusted to college, embraced it and mastered it.  I have just started feeling comfortable with my surroundings and must adjust to something completely new.  My situation is a little different than others because I have a strange year-long gap in which I have no idea what to do with my self.  My girlfriend, who I love and have been with for seven years, will not find out her law school until a year from now.  I want to live in whatever city she moves to but will have to wait a year until we get the news.  In the meantime it seems very unprofessional to apply to serious jobs in my major knowing that I will most likely move locations in a few months.  So what do I do?
   I have seriously considered leaving it all.  Running away from expectations and living a dream-like life of travel adrift; weightless and unrestricted.  I can still picture myself with a tan and a drink on a tropical beach without a care in the world.  Even more seriously I have considered World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms, an organization which would allow me to work on a farm anywhere in the world in exchange for food and housing.  It seems like a perfect time for me to escape my problems...
    But instead of addressing them I am avoiding them.  On the surface it seems that I am taking time of to contemplate and weigh my options but in reality it is probably closer to me running away like a child who is scared of the dark. 
   I have already accomplished so much and overcome so many obstacles.  Why am I so unsure of myself?  I am going to be the first in my family to graduate from college, I have become a leader on campus and most importantly people think of me as a caring person.  The million dollar questions:  What should I do with my life? 

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