Highs and Lows

I knew it wouldn’t be handed to me.  Pushing and shoving your way to a better future is strenuous and damn near impossible, and sometimes it is hard to find the strength to keep your strained fingers from sliding off the final rung.  Senior year, the culmination of a lifetime of work and dreams, has so far been a strange roller coaster of peaks so high that I nearly hit my head on the clouds to lows to deep that  my stomach melts onto the seat.  Despite this stress, pressure and responsibility that I have added to my plate I have never felt more alive.  A kid from some small farm town in the middle of nowhere, raised by a single mother has traveled the world, become the president of an organization, serves on student government and is one year away from graduation. 

What should be a joyous year in which I consummate my four years of hard work with one strut across the stage is one of panic; what exactly should I do with the rest of my life?  Sometimes I curse my work ethic and ambitions.  Life seems so much easier to be blown by the wind and care not for where I end up, but unfortunately for me I live with purpose.  I live each day motivated by the fact that I am merely scratching the surface of my potential, and due to this ambition I am also cursed with being a perfectionist.  Instead of laying back and enjoying my achievements I tirelessly trudge forward, for fear that the doors which are opean all around me may suddenly slam shut. 

Three summers ago I learned the dark reality of this cruel world.  I worked in a dirty, humid tomato packing plant in my home town and suffered a work injury to my arm which nearly ripped it off.  As my hand lay caught in the conveyer belt, skin ripping apart slowly,  I felt the first pang of terror I had ever felt in my life.  I have been scared before, but this was the unique fear that comes with knowing that this is a life I could easily expect should I piss away my academic opportunities.  It is a cruel, cold world out there, and it has no time for dreamers or the timid.  Life favors those who make their dreams a reality; the movers and shakers.  Although the stress and pressure of changing three generations of poverty in my family bears down on my chest like a lead anchor, I must set the example.  Life is not for the timid

House hunting

House Hunters is one of my favorite shows, but my real-world house hunt has been nowhere near as entertaining.  My lease is up this month and I am looking for a home in a safe area to spend my final year.  Of all of the things to worry about, having a roof over my head takes precedence over all of them.  I have visited countless apartments, a few homes and am calling a bunch more to set up home visits.  Zillow has become my nirvana.  The race to avoid homelessness is on!!

What next?

Everyone expects you to be successful.  I KNOW I will be successful, but what happens when other people's expectations do not match your own?  I love my mother but I am not sure if both of our goals are compatible or if I even know what I would define as success.

Is it money?  Many people believe that money does not buy happiness, but instead leads to a more comfortable and predictable life.  This sounds splendid, but I do not think I want a predictable life.  A lot of money sounds great, but if it is in a boring office setting for 40 hours a week in which you never get to enjoy the spoils of your hard work is it a life worth striving for?  I believe not.  I've been rich (for a college student) and poor several times, and I've found out that I've actually been happier with less money.  I  was making over $400 dollars a week at a tomato packaging plant.  To me this was an ungodly amount of money as it was my first job ever.  However the conditions were horrible and I nearly lost my hand.  I spent the rest of that summer stacking boxes and promised I would never return.  I don't even make $400 a month at my current job, but it has allowed me to devote more of my time and energy to things I do care about such as internships, clubs and spending time with family.

So what do I want to do?  I watched a wonderful video that asked how I would live if money weren't a concern.  It made take a very introspective look at myself and what I really get a buzz from.  After letting this question simmer for a while I've condensed my passion into three things: writing, travel and spontaneity.   Writing has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember.  From kindergarten to college I have always been gravitate by the art of speaking on paper, and would love to do so for the rest of my life.  Travel is my newest love and it is a flame that is impossible to put out.  My family never had the opportunity travel as we came from a field labor background, but college opened the door to the rest of the world.  I traveled to Europe upon graduation and was blown away from the immensity of the world and all of it's beauty.  I have also traveled to various conferences around the country and am addicted to meeting new people and places.  It is this insatiable thirst of new experiences that drives me to live a life of unpredictability.  Variety is the spice of life, and I feel comfort in chaos.  I function better when handling a million things at once and the more I add to my plate the more efficient and satisfied I feel.

It will be interesting to read this ten years down the road and find out whether I choose to follow the safer, smarter route of becoming a highly paid public relations practitioner or do something daring such as become a world-traveling writer for National Geographic.  Either way, I want to live life to the fullest.

End of the semester

Here it is.  The homestretch.  After a long, difficult and tiring semester the end is near, and as we get closer to summer relaxation it sometimes gets harder and harder to stay productive.  It is the same pain as pushing through the fourth quarter of football games despite the fact that your body is breaking down and close to exhaustion.  The only advice I can give to help finish strong is to remember the importance of the final stretch of school.  Like a sports game you can play great all three quarters but if you give up in the fourth then you lose the game.  Push hard and the end result is the reward.  There is no point in wasting a whole semester because you were to lazy to study or didn't do that last assignment.  Stay busy.  Stay humble.   

President

I have always been worried about my leadership.  I always thought of myself as a doer instead of a leader, but I was recently elected president of PRSSA (Public Relations Student Society of America).  It is hard to tell what others think of you but I am grateful that students from my major had the confidence in me to name me their president.  Although I am a bit worried and nervous for next year I am excited because I have the ability and passion to do well.  I hope that all that I have learned during my past three years pays off.   

When did this happen???

Adulthood hits you hard.  I never realized how uncool and old I was until I yelled at my freshman neighbor for playing his music too loud.  It took me a while to realize what happened but when it did it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It made me wonder in what other ways I have grown older.  I have a job, pay all of my bills, pay for my education, actually look forward to sleeping in, am addicted to coffee and no longer find my favorite childhood comedy, Kung Pow, funny anymore.  I then remembered how clueless I was as a freshman in college.  I remember how scared and vulnerable I felt my first day at Fresno State when I saw my parents drive away after dropping me off.  I had no idea what I was doing at such a big school and had no idea what to expect.  I surely didn't expect to mature as I have.  I am fortunate to have been successful and often have freshman ask me questions.  Although it is strange being one of the older students on campus and one year away from graduation I am grateful for my experience and have learn to come to grips with the fact that I am older.  With age comes wisdom (usually), and in my case I love being able to mentor those who were nervous freshman like I was.

Spring Break!

Not going to lie, all that has been on my mind is spring break.  College students across the country have marked the date down on their calendars for this wonderful week of time off in the middle of a grueling semester.  It is a time to avoid the tests, midterms and hell for a week to gather oneself and return rested and ready to finish the semester.  Many often call college students lazy or party animals for taking a week off but they do not realize the struggles that college students must endure.  Gone are the days of working through college and graduating in four years.  Now students must take out expensive loans, often must take a fifth year do to cuts in classes and must work much harder than ever before due to the few amount of jobs available.  Breaks are healthy and necessary regardless of profession so to all my fellow college students out there enjoy this break, visit family and have FUN!! Because once you come back its business as usual.